Hey guys,
Things just took a turn on this blog. I have always been interested in menstrual/ sexual health and wanted to share whatever little knowledge I have in order to make it accessible.
Let’s skip the term ‘virginity’ because it was created by the patriarchy and made to test the ‘purity’ of women. While the same ‘virginity’ does exist for guys, it is never forced or seen as a humiliating factor or it can also never be ‘tested’ as they do for girls. So let’s just use the term ‘First time’, because it refers to the first time you are experiencing something new.
When we talk about ‘the first time’, there is always a lot of pressure associated with it and thoughts and confusion by the person going through the process. Just let’s break it down by saying that your ‘first time’ is scary/ intimidating/ exciting because it is a new experience and unknown. Hence all your feelings are valid.
- Trust
Ideally, your ‘first time’ should be with someone you trust and willing to take time to give you to adjust to the speed in which the things happen. If you have watched Grey’s Anatomy, when Karev tries to get it on with Kepner and she stops him, which leads him to storm out. Hence having someone you can trust can make a huge difference. A psychological concept is there where you either jump into the unknown placing all your trust on instinct or the other person or the second being you have a strong enough communication and you have discussed things thoroughly with your partner. Either way, you have to trust that the person you are with will stop, when you want to and not coerce you into doing something that you are not comfortable doing.
- Relax
If you are comfortable and trust the person, you should be able to relax. Choose a time, a setting where you will be able to let yourself relax for a considerable amount of time. Enjoy the process of foreplay; not relaxing will make you tense, not letting other things to happen in your body. That being said, having a few nerves is not unexpected. Just differentiate them into anxiety and nervousness. Again, you should be able to stop at any time.
- Pain
This is a common misconception that is addressed to girls or people who possess female genitalia who will be engaging in penetrative sex. When your body is aroused, there shouldn’t be any pain, there shouldn’t be any discomfort, and there shouldn’t be any blood. If you are having trouble, it means your mind may be ready but your body is just not where it is supposed to be. This definitely goes back to being comfortable and relaxing. But there are times when nothing seems to help, and all you have to do is take a break and revisit some other time or use the help of lube.
- Not goal oriented
We are constantly presented with images of the pleasures of having an orgasm in media or on porn. Reality can be a whole lot different. Many times it’s just about having a good time and not adding that extra pressure to achieve a goal, especially when it’s so new to you. It takes time. Do not feel any less accomplished when you do not have an earth shattering orgasm, because a lot of people don’t, not on their first time anyways.
- Protection
Whatever sex you are engaging in, if there are genitals involved, there needs to be protection. Do not rely on the pull out method or your menstrual cycle to save you. Those methods will probably only prevent you from a pregnancy, not an STI. The best option would be going for double protection (by which I do not mean using two condoms, that will not help anyone). Double protection would mean 1. A condom for prevention of STIs and pregnancy and 2. Pull out (in spite of using the condom) or an oral contraceptive or any other form contraceptive to ensure that you are doing the best you can to be safe.
Take Care
Amanda
Lifestyle by Amanda 